Goals and Purpose

Yeah I know, 

This is like the most common topic of all time. 

We all have goals but what are we actually doing in our lives? Do we at least try to reach for our goals that we have set for ourselves or do we procrastinate? This is a case for me especially. I have goals that I set for myself but so far I don't see myself ever about reaching it. It sucks you know whatever I set for myself at the beginning of the year I am not even so far as attempt to try to reach it.

"Why? Why? Why?"

Questions I usually I ask myself. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I not even trying? Am I really that broken down just because of the negativity and the predicament I place myself into? What is my purpose in life? Why am I here? Would I ever get out the current predicament that I am in now? Would I ever be that confident and swaged up kid that I used to be?

And then yeah it hit me. My motivation isn't there at all. It wasn't even there at the first place to begin with. I'm just living my life like an empty shell. No purpose, no actions, no achievements. Nothing. Just a valance electron shell that is wondering and rotating the earth floor waiting to release myself from the earth.

I know that I severely lacking of motivation to achieve. I just want to find that motivation to succeed, to do well, to make my parents proud they're having a legend in making as their son. I just want to find my purpose. The real goal that I been longing to find to achieve to create and for people to remember me by. That desire that flame to achieve everything I ever wanted. I want it back.

The wonderful thing about my friends is that they would be brutally honest and still support me whenever I need a shoulder to cry on.Always a blessing to have them. I need to win the war that is happening within myself. 

Maybe the reason why I am taking up gold for NYAA is to find that purpose. Somehow deep inside I already knew my purpose, my goal but just holding myself back to work towards it...

I need to snap out of it.One thing for sure though, my drive to succeed in life is there. I just have to kickstart the engine.