A poem that I wrote in my old blog.

Hey there,

This is just a repost of what I wrote in my old Blog. So yeah hope you could understand it.

Will probably be out for awhile because i have run out of ideas for the time being. I will try my best to update it regularly.

If Only.....

I could stand up and shout your name out loud...
I could be in your arms...
I could look into your eyes...
I could get close to you...
I could know you...
I could love you...
I could kiss you...
I could hug you...
I could squeeze your hand....
I could hold you tight..
I could give you something to remember me by...
I could make you feel your the only girl in my world...
We could be a rocketeer and fly together to the moon....
I could marry you

but i know

It would never happen...
You won't give me that chance...
That wall you showed to me would not break...
The way you ignored me like i was i was in the wrong...
No matter how much you meant to me,To you i am nothing...
To you i am just a pawned ready to be use...
You talked to me when you need of something...
You won't ever took noticed of me no matter how much i try to get your attention..
You don't even bother to be a friend instead you avoid me...

If only just only....

Love isn't blind.

A poem that inspires a nation.

The word "invictus" means undefeated in latin.

Hey there,

Yeah I know the gaps of all my post are long. I'm sorry for that. Today I thought I would like to share with you on the poem "invictus". It was written by  William Ernest Henley.

The author of the poem is trying to tell us that although he is feeling despair, he thanks God for the strength that was given him.

This is in the line....

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

The poem also mentions about the opportunities presented and to act upon without solely putting faith in God to overcome these challenges. No matter how hard those challenges may be, the stress that a person may be in, he/she will not surrender  it and will overcame it without the fear of failing.
This is in the line..

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

and

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

The next phrase is my favorite and there is a line there that will make me remember it for a lifetime.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

It means you can throw him/her more of those challenges and she/he will still not surrender. He/she control their own fate and  are the ones who is taking a lead in their own lives while not letting others take a lead for them..

No wonder Nelson Mandela memorize this to inspire a nation. It has a deep meaning of perseverance.

In summary, the poem is trying to tell us that no matter how hard the challenge is, how dire the situation is, we must face it unafraid and accept it. We cannot rely on the faith God or rely on others to help us pull through. We must act it on our own. We control our own future not them. No one can change you. The only person that can change you is yourself.

It's time to change. I don't want my future to be very bleak...

Goal and Purpose 2

Hey there,

To continue back from the last post 'Goals and Purpose' . I spent the week thinking what are the achievements I want to achieve in my life. What I really wanna do in my life.. I asked my friends, cousins etc etc but I got the advice that I was least expecting to get it from. That it was from my father. My father out of all people in my life. Don't get me wrong, I really love my father a lot yet each time or whatever actions I did I disappoint him and he fall short of expectations of me. I was wrong in that aspect because the expectations is still there just that he wants me to think about my life carefully now.

A little background story about my father,

He started working when he was young, qualifications wise he was good. What he stands out from the rest is that he make decisions whether it is work or life and solidify his stance on that decision itself. He is very willing to open up to new experiences and relates it to his past experiences when it comes to decisions and bang that was where his popularity brings him. It is also why he is the union president for Singapore Refining Company for so long. A successful man in his own right.

So where do I fit in the equation of my father? Actually I'm nowhere close to my father (that's what I think and feel). I'm more to my mom (stubborn) but most of my cousins would say I do possessed some qualities of my father and that is decision making. Like him, I would solidify my stance on my decision. Although I didn't realized it but it was proven when I applied for my polytechnic and fight for it amicably. Even my father was shocked but proud I made it through. 

However though like most people, making decision is one thing, actions while putting tremendous amount of effort in those actions is another. What drives me towards that proving those decisions I made is the difference. For the poly case, I know my life for national service with the army is not now but later because I'm not ready yet.

During the third and fourth day of raya, my father brought me out to jalan raya. Usually he will ditch me when going out since he knows I'm clearly not interested in going out but for this case I might as well go out to see my cousins and not hooked up with my PS3 or computer. So yeah we went out..

So he brought my sisters and myself to eat yesterday. That's where his advice towards me came in. I still remember it clearly what he said.

"Hariz, you have that drive. I'm proud that you have an ambition but you need to learn to guide yourself. Be a leader, learn to put some discipline towards yourself. Stop relying from others. You're slowly making progress but it is not enough. If you put in the effort last time especially on your 'o' levels you won't have to travel the longer route. I did the calculations for you. If you get a degree at 30 how are you able to survive in Singapore where cost of living is so high? You gotta start now. Start listening and be aware of the world around you and you do well."

It got me thinking again, "what am I doing? Your father still expects much from you. Do you want to succeed Riz? Do you?" 

Obviously I do want to find my own success story but how do I want to find it? I'm the author of my own story not others and somehow I know I have found it. It's the lack of discipline is what stopping me. I need to change now. I just need to. Not for anyone but for myself.

The will to succeed really falls on me.

Goals and Purpose

Yeah I know, 

This is like the most common topic of all time. 

We all have goals but what are we actually doing in our lives? Do we at least try to reach for our goals that we have set for ourselves or do we procrastinate? This is a case for me especially. I have goals that I set for myself but so far I don't see myself ever about reaching it. It sucks you know whatever I set for myself at the beginning of the year I am not even so far as attempt to try to reach it.

"Why? Why? Why?"

Questions I usually I ask myself. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I not even trying? Am I really that broken down just because of the negativity and the predicament I place myself into? What is my purpose in life? Why am I here? Would I ever get out the current predicament that I am in now? Would I ever be that confident and swaged up kid that I used to be?

And then yeah it hit me. My motivation isn't there at all. It wasn't even there at the first place to begin with. I'm just living my life like an empty shell. No purpose, no actions, no achievements. Nothing. Just a valance electron shell that is wondering and rotating the earth floor waiting to release myself from the earth.

I know that I severely lacking of motivation to achieve. I just want to find that motivation to succeed, to do well, to make my parents proud they're having a legend in making as their son. I just want to find my purpose. The real goal that I been longing to find to achieve to create and for people to remember me by. That desire that flame to achieve everything I ever wanted. I want it back.

The wonderful thing about my friends is that they would be brutally honest and still support me whenever I need a shoulder to cry on.Always a blessing to have them. I need to win the war that is happening within myself. 

Maybe the reason why I am taking up gold for NYAA is to find that purpose. Somehow deep inside I already knew my purpose, my goal but just holding myself back to work towards it...

I need to snap out of it.One thing for sure though, my drive to succeed in life is there. I just have to kickstart the engine.

Willpower

Today I'm would like to touch up on this beautiful aspect of the human mind willpower.

The human willpower is the strongest weapon of the human mind. A strong willpower will lead to you to a stronger action. It is always the body over the mind but actually it's the mind that is stronger than the body. We tend to succumb to the body and that's what lead us to having a weak willpower and would less likely achieve.

So why I am talking about about willpower so suddenly? 

Actually it's about me and my determination to succeed well in my studies and to have a good life in the future. Right now my determination level is low because of the things and thoughts I have to experience everyday. I don't want to explain further than that. 

What I wanna do now to do what every typical student does best. Which is to say to say that they will do well in their studies. For me, on the other hand I wanna to do something about my life. I want to do change the way people think and act towards the poor...

Such a bold statement but yeah that's what I wanna do through my movement.

I can do this.

"Mondane"

So today I was stuck in the jam for nearly 2 hours.What a great way to start my Monday.

Hmm at least on the positive note I was almost able to complete my science worksheet without the help my groupmates. Thats a good sign that means I am making progression towards my studies..

However though I still got my science practice questions wrong. Haizzzz I was so confident that my answer was right.. then again I am slowly gaining my confidence back. That is another good sign.

I know its impossible to change the class perception about me so I just have to wait until the next semester and not repeat the same mistakes that I did in semester 1. Bear with it,  it is almost every little bit about yourself to be the first to review this booking system and get the

New class, new classmates,  new school life. I really need a resurgence of my school life now and i need it badly.

I should stop consuming all the negativity about myself. Think positive riz. 

Breathing Sunday.

Like finally its the last day of my work. I got more room to breathe now. Its the most difficult decision I had to do but for my future I had to do it. So since I left my IG. There's only me and school left.

Been telling myself for months that I have to do well. Need to do well. It's a must. I wanna have a comfortable life in the future. I have a successful friends and they're the ones trying to push me to be like them. They believe in me, they themselves knew that there is potential in me to be able to achieve big things in my life.

I want to believe in that. I do. I just have to plan what I want to achieve in my life. I've been saying that a lot of times but I couldn't solidify my words into actions. It really sucks..

For now my only focus is on my next exam, I'm dead worried about my gpa...I just have to do well.
It's not a choice, it's a must to do well.

I believe one day I could change. I should just stop contradicting myself...and until I do that, I guess I will be able to move out from the current situation I'm having now.

For starters,

I need to start to accept my weaknesses and work on it.